Last Mothers day I wrote from the heart, and more on the anniversary date and had so many people email to “chat”. They knew how I felt as they too had been through similar experiences.
The loss of a child.
We belong to a club no one wants to belong to… one where the common bond is heartbreaking. This can be so isolating for many, so there is some comfort connecting with other mums, knowing we are not alone.
There are many new mums this Mothers Day who have heavy hearts and empty arms. Many mums may have had miscarriages, loss of a neonate, a child… be it a baby, teenager or adult. No matter what age, mums are feeling it at this special celebration day of mothers.
With the release this week of the 3rd edition of Little ONE baby magazine, the interviews with 4 brave women telling about their loss of a baby is compelling. Their stories are heartfelt, sombre and inspiring. I want to dedicate a special poem to mums this Mothers Day, who cannot be with their children as they have grown wings. I always take comfort in words, poetry and music that often reaches me right to my very core of my soul and inner self. I am feeling for this special group of mothers this special day who may find it painfully hard.
La Toriana ~ the name and logo is a major comfort to me. Combining our 3 daughters names into something thats so strong and lasting. I love the name, though may not mean anything to anyone else… it does to me. I love being able to provide quality premmie baby clothing online to the parents, family and friends for babies born early. Its something I am very passionate about after having had 3 premmie babies.
Its funny how things just vividly stick in your mind isnt it.
Some things I don’t remember about the twins and then other things are just like it was this morning. Its almost 9 years since Lara and Victoria became angels due to prematurity after medical issues in my pregnancy. I still cannot believe it all happened.
I vividly remember the time we told family we were having twins… was the happiest day, I was elated.
I vividly remember cooking salmon fettuccine when “it” all started…. where my dreams started to fall apart.
I vividly remember that one tiny spot of blood on the bathroom floor in my hospital room and the nurse saying “Oh that’s ok.. nothing to worry about” and left
I vividly remember that frantic feeling, that helpless feeling when the drs said “there may be nothing we can do”
I vividly remember that angry old woman frantically breaking down the door to get to me (this was days after the emergency surgery, a hallucination from medications as there was no door, just a blank wall… but at the time was SO REAL)
I vivdly remember the looks on peoples faces when they saw me for the first time afterwards. Some were of pity, some of true sorrow, some eyes just searching mine for help as to what they should say.
I vividly remember one person in particular come over about 3 months later, at a time I was feeling down and said matter of factly ”oh aren’t you over it yet?”
I vivdly remember the first time a stranger asked me at swimming “how many children do you have?” and I couldnt answer.
and I vividly remember Nardine, someone I recently only met coming over and handing me chocolate at the door… not wanting to come in, but wanting to help in some small way
I know this Mothers Day I am not alone in missing my babies. There are many mums out there who cannot cuddle and kiss their children, no matter what age. Some mums will be sad, heartbroken with heavy hearts and emty arms. These mums I reach out to as I remember vividly that first Mothers Day after the twins passed away. I was lost and scared.
Some mums will have a bittersweet day. I take comfort in knowing that Lara and Victoria are part of our family this Mothers Day, and are here with us, everyday, in spirit.
This is a poem that I truly love.
To ALL mums out there, with heave hearts and empty arms, may you have a wonderful, special Mothers Day.
Dear Mr. Hallmark,
I am writing to you from heaven, and though it must appear
A rather strange idea, I see everything from here.
I just popped in to visit, your stores to find a card
A card of love for my mother, as this day for her is hard.
There must be some mistake I thought, every card you could imagine
Except I could not find a card, from a child who lives in heaven.
She is still a mother too, no matter where I resideI had to leave,
she understands, but oh the tears she’s cried.
I thought that if I wrote you, that you would come to know
that though I live in heaven now, I still love my mother so.
she talks with me, and dreams with me; we still share laughter too,
Memories our way of speaking now, would you see what you could do?
My mother carries me in her heart, her tears she hides from sight.
She writes poems to honor me, sometimes far into the night
She plants flowers in my garden, there my living memory dwells
She writes to other grieving parents, trying to ease their pain as well.
So you see Mr. Hallmark, though I no longer live on earth
I must find a way, to remind her of her wondrous worth
She needs to be honored, and remembered too
Just as the children of earth will do.
Thank you Mr. Hallmark, I know you’ll do your best
I have done all I can do; to you I’ll leave the rest.
Find a way to tell her, how much she means to me
Until I can do it for myself, when she joins me in eternity.
~ by Jody Seilheimer ~
To ALL mums, may you have a wonderful Mothers Day.
“The mention of my girls names may bring tears to my eyes,
But it never fails to bring music to my ears.
my friends, let me hear the beautiful music of our gorgeous girls names.
Dont be afraid. It soothes my brokenheart, and sings to my soul.”